I have to get this off my chest before I explode!
Just a few hours ago, a kid posted a simple question about weight gain on a bodybuilding forum and received some generally bad advice on the topic commonly known as bulking.
This is what one person said: “It takes a long time without eating junk. If you are willing to spend hours in the gym, then you should start filling your face with KFC and McDonalds, it is much faster.”
Without a doubt … if you choose to exercise and be healthy, you will want to make the quickest decisions you can make even if you put your health at risk. Who wants to spend time with it? (note the sarcasm in my voice).
As if that advice wasn’t bad enough, you’d think I’d pass it up, but when I saw someone else stick with this gem, I exploded …
“If a person is ‘underweight’, they should not deny ANYTHING and eat EVERYTHING. McDonalds and KFC included.”
I was reminded of the episode of The Simpsons in which Homer is trying to gain weight to reach 300 pounds to qualify for disability and be able to work at home.
Advice from “Dr. Nick”:
“Instead of using bread, use Poptarts! Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon!”
So Bart says, “You can brush your teeth with smoothies!”
To which Dr. Nick replies, “Hey! Did you also graduate from the medical school above?”
Your last thought is, “Remember, if you are unsure about a food, rub it on a piece of paper. If the paper turns transparent, it is your ‘window’ to weight gain!”
But keep reading because it gets better. I watched in horror as bad advice like giant candy bars was given on Halloween in a wealthy neighborhood. But even better …
These people tried to justify why a dirty bulge was the best option for gaining weight.
“Dirty Bulk is fine for a while. It’s a quick and reasonable way to gain weight. Most people don’t have time to plan their lives solely on bodybuilding. What’s the point in clean bulking when the Dirt can make the job a lot easier? Unhealthy? Who cares? This person WILL STOP eating junk when they get serious about the sport. That’s when volume / cut fair play comes into play. “
And that’s when I realized that there are so many lazy bodybuilders out there.
Dirty volume is an “escape hatch”! Stuffing your face with anything and everything is for people who don’t know how to gain a healthy weight and are too lazy to figure out how to gain weight.
Characteristics of a lazy bodybuilder:
a) I can’t wait for slow earnings, I’ll do anything to get to an imaginary end point.
b) Does not plan meals. You will eat everything in sight for calories. 5-6 meals a day? No time for that. I eat when I eat.
c) You think a calorie is a calorie. It doesn’t matter if it’s from an organic chicken breast or Chicken McNuggets.
d) The lockers are empty, but your gym bag is fully stocked with the latest and greatest supplements and weight gainers.
e) There is no time to learn the little details of nutrition, just lower the food until things happen and then do other things when you think you are fat.
f) I will do my best to make this bodybuilding experience “easier”.
For all of these reasons, if you’ve been given this advice before, you want to gain weight but are confused on how to do it or will shyly admit to falling for any of the FA descriptions above …
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