As a mother of three children under the age of six, making sure they get a full night’s sleep as early as possible was a priority for me in order to function. Fortunately, they all slept a full 6 or 7 hours by ten weeks of age. Even my 3 year old continues to sleep very well and sleeps several hours in the afternoon. What is the secret? To tell the truth, I use a direct method that is quite simple.
First, babies and children need a consistent routine. Make sure they eat dinner, bathe, and go to bed at the same time each day. Do your best to stick to this daily schedule, so you always know what to expect next. For example, my youngest son knows that after lunch it’s time for a nap. I don’t even need to tell him: HE asks me for a nap! He only knows that this is the next step in the day for him. I don’t need to fight him to get a few hours sleep, and he actually loves his naps.
With babies, you also need to establish a routine early on. When they’re ready for bed (usually around 8:00 pm in our house), breastfeed or bottle feed them, put them in a new diaper, turn on your cell phone, put them in their crib, and walk away. If they’ve had a busy day, they should be pretty exhausted by now and ready for a nap. The most important thing to keep in mind is that if she cries, DO NOT go back into the room to pick up your baby. Let your baby cry himself to sleep.
Yes, some of you may think that it sounds like a terrible thing for a helpless baby, but if you want to keep your sanity and make your baby sleep through the night, you can’t deviate from the plan. Even at the tender age of just a few weeks, babies are master manipulators. No, they’re not devilish deviants trying to pressure you on purpose, but they are smart. They quickly realize that if they cry and you come running to pick them up, they have the upper hand.
Usually between 5 and 20 minutes after you put your baby down, they will stop crying and settle down to sleep. This is a very important concept to keep in mind, because you shouldn’t let a baby fall asleep in your arms every night and then put him in her bed. What will quickly happen is that the baby will not be able to sleep unless she has done so first in her arms. It may seem cute at first, but keep in mind that you are creating a habit that is hard to break if you allow this to happen. Children of all ages should always lie awake (but tired) in their own beds to sleep.
When you start this new routine, your baby may whimper a bit until he gets used to the pattern. After just a few weeks, they quickly become involved. I promise. So if you’ve put your baby to bed at 8 pm or a convenient time at her home, you can continue your nightly activities. Enjoy time with your spouse, watch some TV, catch up on work, or exercise. Do what makes you happy during YOUR time while your kids are sleeping.
Then when I’m ready for bed (which for me is between 11 pm and midnight), I gently pick my baby up without waking him too much from his sleepy state. I change his diaper and then breast or bottle feed him at night. This ensures that her tummy is full so she can sleep up to 7 hours or more at night. When you’re done eating, simply tuck him back into her crib, close the door, and walk away again. If she yells in the middle of the night, DO NOT come in the room! Again, just let him settle down to sleep. Of course, the later you can do this last feeding, the later in the morning your baby will wake up the next time she stays over, so keep this in mind. You don’t want to do that last feeding too early and then have baby wake up at 4am to start their day!
What you need to understand here is that the method for getting your kids a good night’s sleep is to simply let them fall asleep on their own, even if it means crying a little until they get used to the routine. Sound bad? For new parents this can be hard to hear, as they inevitably run whenever their baby whimpers. In a matter of days, your baby has picked up on this game in which she ends up the winner, and you seem like a robot as she drags herself to work on two hours of sleep.
This process of helping your child sleep through the night is popularly known as the Ferber Method. Dr. Ferber is a renowned American pediatrician who helps sleepy parents get some rest by letting their children settle themselves to sleep. The document is controversial because there are many parents who feel it’s a crime to let their little angel cry for a second without mom running over to see what’s going on. I can assure you that after two months of doing this, you will not be able to function normally during the day without crying because you are so exhausted. It’s not healthy for you not to sleep at all, and you certainly won’t be a good parent to your children if you walk around like a grump.
The Ferber Method does not suggest that you let your child yell for an hour. If your baby hasn’t slept in 20 minutes, go to her room to make sure she isn’t hungry or has a contaminated diaper. If everything looks fine when you walk in and check on the baby, just close the door and walk away. It may take several weeks of this process for your baby to get the idea of falling asleep on her own, so be patient. Just don’t give up and pick your baby up again to calm him down.
The idea is to leave your baby’s room without any guilt. What you are doing is not a bad thing, you are helping your baby figure out how to sleep well, which will help her throughout her life.
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