Believe it or not, even if many other people know that your spouse is considering a divorce, it tends to surprise you a bit, at least at first. Why? There are many reasons. First, your spouse rarely lets you know exactly what he is thinking when it comes to your marriage, especially when the thoughts are negative. Second, many spouses will try to paint a more optimistic picture or soften the blow. And finally, many spouses only think out loud when discussing their marriage with friends and family. But thinking out loud doesn’t mean you’ve made a firm decision.
This kind of beating around the bush leaves you wondering why he just doesn’t come up with it. Why doesn’t he just tell you that he wants a divorce? Why make him find out from others or find evidence elsewhere?
Here’s how a wife might put this into words: “It’s amazing to me that my husband hasn’t told me yet that he wants a divorce. He hasn’t served me with the divorce papers yet. Heck, he hasn’t even officially moved in. Yet. Yes, he spends a few nights with his sister, but he also lives with me some of the time. Now, he knew we were having problems. He had even started pricing his own apartment a couple of months ago, but that turned out to be nothing. I knew that things weren’t going very well. But I was very surprised when I saw the wife of one of my husband’s partners at the grocery store and she said she was ‘sorry to hear about my divorce.’ I gulped but didn’t say it. I was shocked. I just played along. But when I got home, I told my husband about it and he said he didn’t tell his partner that he was definitely getting divorced. He says he was just sharing how hard our marriage has been. Find I roam this hard to believe. The couple’s wife is a pretty smart girl. I don’t think I have misunderstood anything. I then mentioned this to one of my neighbors, who is a good friend, and she indicated that my husband had also confided to her husband that we could get divorced. I also confronted my husband about this and he again told me that he had not made any decisions yet. He says he does not know if we are going to get divorced or not. I don’t understand why he is playing this way. Why don’t you just tell me you want a divorce? Yes, I will be sad and disappointed. But I’d rather he be honest with me than tell a lie. Why don’t you say so? If you want a divorce. e, why don’t you tell me? Because honestly, I’m going to find out anyway. “
I can certainly suggest a few reasons. When I was separated (or when my husband was thinking about getting divorced and did not share this with me for a while), there were many people who knew more about my husband’s feelings towards our marriage than I did. This always infuriated me a bit because I felt like my husband was betraying confidences and it made me feel like I was the last to know. But you know what? All those little revelations don’t amount to a mountain of beans. We never got divorced. And none of that ever happened.
And I think a similar situation could be the main reason why your husband is not only asking for a divorce. Either you’re not one hundred percent sure you want one or you’re not ready to move on to one yet. And there may be several reasons for this. It could still be open to a reconciliation. Or maybe you are just trying to get your finances in order. Either way, you may have a little time on your side.
If you are still committed to your marriage (or are still interested in saving it), this may be a great opportunity. I know it is frustrating and somewhat humiliating to hear from other people about their marriage. But if you really want a reconciliation, then you need to focus on the right place. You have to put aside all the things that, in the end, don’t really matter. And if you can get your marriage back, then this won’t matter in five years.
At this point, I would focus on the fact that for some reason you have not yet filed for divorce or filed for divorce. Who knows your specific reasoning? He may not even know it himself. The point is, if you really wanted to get a divorce right now, you would look for one. It has not. For whatever reason, it is running late. And he hasn’t told you about any divorce plans yet, which tells me that he’s not quite sure of his wishes and that he still cares enough about you not to present something to you that doesn’t actually happen.
Either way, this all means you may have some time. And sometimes, that’s a great starting point in trying to save your marriage. Many wives don’t have that. They have been served with the divorce papers and your husband is not ashamed to tell you that divorce is one hundred percent what he wants.
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