Love is everywhere if you look for it, and Christmas is the time to take a magical leap into love. That’s the premise of the delightful 2003 holiday movie, Love Really, starring an all-star British cast who falls in or out of love at Christmas.
There is a dark side to this premise, illustrating how office affairs start and how they can be prevented. Let’s explore the beginning phase of the affair and how to protect your marriage from the threat of an office romance.
Office Business Startup:
Imagine a small London office, where a young secretary named Mia (Heike Makatsch) puts on a play for her married boss named Harry (Alan Rickman). As Harry approaches Mia’s workstation, she begins her seduction by turning her chair toward him so that she can catch a glimpse of her short skirt and her spread legs. Harry notices, but is too cautious to go there.
When Harry gives Mia the task of planning his office Christmas party, he asks if she’s bringing her boyfriend.
“I’ll be hanging around the mistletoe, hoping to get kissed,” Mia says, glancing seductively at Harry long enough for her invitation to register.
Later, Mia tells Harry about the location she chose for her office party: “It’s an art gallery, full of dark corners, to do…dark acts.”
His sexual tension increases.
When Harry leaves the office to go Christmas shopping, Mia asks him to buy her a present. “I don’t want something I need. I want something I want, something nice.”
Harry smiles, as if enjoying being manipulated by her provocative charms. You can see why he’s vulnerable in the next scene when Harry goes Christmas shopping with his dutiful wife, Karen (Emma Thompson). She greets him with a chaste kiss on the cheek. She dresses casual mommy, totally devoid of sex appeal. We get the feeling that the romance is long over, or never was, when Karen almost catches her husband, Harry, shopping for a gold necklace for Mia:
Karen: Hanging around the jewelry section, I see!
Harry: No. I was just looking around.
Karen: Don’t worry, my expectations aren’t that high after 13 years of Mr. “Oh, but you always LOVE scarves.”
My advice to Karen and all dutiful spouses: low expectations are not sexy. The lack of romantic fun makes couples restless for the excitement they deserve in a happy relationship.
On the night of the Christmas party, Karen wears a scruffy wife outfit, while Mia dresses as a red-hot satan crowned with sexy red horns on her headband. When Mia asks Harry to dance, her romantic chemistry is palpable. His wife notices and mentions it to him after the party.
Karen: Mia is very pretty.
Harry: [nonchalantly but unconvincingly] It’s her?
Karen: You know it is, honey. Be careful there.
As Karen prepares for bed after the party, she even wears matron underwear with no sex appeal. Harry doesn’t bother to look at her as they get into bed. We can see why she has lost interest in her sexually, despite the fact that Karen is a loving mother and competent wife.
Next, we see Mia undressing, wearing sexy red lingerie and Harry’s gold necklace.
After the party, Karen can’t fall asleep, now her eyes are wide open to the real threat Mia poses to their marriage.
My advice to Karen and any spouse who has stopped being playful, provocative and passionate with their partner:
Don’t be surprised that your lack of romantic spark snuffs out sparks of attraction. Even if you’re a fabulous parent or provider, when you allow soulmates to become roommates, you’ve entered the danger zone of your marriage.
In a heartbreaking scene on Christmas Eve, Karen thinks she is opening Harry’s gift of a gold necklace that she found in his pocket. When Karen opens a music CD instead of a gold necklace, she retreats to her room with a British reservation to cry in private without disturbing Harry and his two children.
Karen waits until after the holidays to confront her husband about the necklace:
Karen: Tell me, if you were in my place, what would you do?
Harry: What position is that?
Karen: Imagine that your husband bought a gold necklace and for Christmas he gave it to someone else…
Harry: Oh Karen…
Karen: Would you wait to find out if it’s just a necklace, or if it’s sex and a necklace, or worst of all, it’s a necklace and love? Would you stay knowing that life would always be a little worse? Or would you cut and run?
Harry: Oh God. I am so wrong. The classic fool!
Karen: [voice breaking] Yes, but you have also made a fool of me, and you have also made a fool of the life I lead!
Why is this elegant confrontation so moving?
It shows how each spouse can justify the distractions that rob a marriage of power. At least Harry admits that he was a classic fool to fall for a young woman which makes him feel sexy again. Karen still doesn’t see how to make motherhood a top priority, and sacrificing passionate intimacy with Harry stifles the romantic chemistry needed to keep marriages fresh and exciting.
Prevention of an office affair:
What can couples do to protect their marriage from office sexual temptations?
Do the opposite of Harry and Karen. Make time each day to focus on each other and keep the romance alive. Schedule a date night at least once a week when you’re not talking about kids or careers, homework or deadlines. Do something fun that you both enjoy on date night. Wear something sexy and exciting. Be playful and build up the sexual tension by suggesting what might happen at the end of your date, if you’re lucky. When you create a new dating habit, you create a foundation of fun that all couples want and no one wants to throw away on an office fling.
