Internet dating sucks. I’ve heard a lot of guys say this line to me, and it’s usually guys who haven’t dated in months who say it. I understand that if you don’t get love online, the first thing to blame is the entire World Wide Web, but just like we can’t blame the entire chicken industry for one bad chicken leg at KFC, we can’t blame Internet for our appointments. ayes The fault lies with one person. YOU
Tinder IS the best dating app since… well, forever. My friends and I have never been on so many dates in such a short time with little to no effort. The great thing about Tinder is that it allows you to essentially “speed date,” match up with a girl, joke around a bit, and get yourself a date. Yes, not every girl will agree to your request for a romantic evening under the stars, but they’re on Tinder for a reason, and if they’ve cheated on you, then they’re already considering meeting you. So, without further ado, let me break down the five golden rules of Tinder so that you, too, can enjoy the benefits that Tinder brings to so many men.
1.) 5 Good Photos: Now guys, I’m NOT talking about mirror selfies or shirtless selfies. Delete them from your phone immediately. These would be great if you were on the Grinder, but luckily for us men, the female of our species isn’t looking for a six-pack online. She can find that any day and anywhere. Photos should be clear, at least an iPhone 6, but I suggest a better camera than that. You need a face photo, a full body photo, a photo of you enjoying an activity and showing how amazing your life is. I also suggest that you don’t have photos of you drunk and hanging out with some girls. Some guys will post pictures of themselves surrounded by girls at a nightclub. This only seems to try. Just show up with some friends, in fancy situations, looking like a cool guy. End of story. Selfies are a big NO NO. Oh, and no pictures of your… masculinity, no matter how impressive you think it may be.
2.) The opening line: Okay, erase the following line from memory “Hey, how are you?” NEVER!!! Say this line again. Do you realize how many matches a beautiful girl can have in a day? And you’re opening with the most boring, generic, mundane sentence of all time. Put yourself in a girl’s shoes for a moment. She has jumped on Tinder. Probably because she’s bored and a bit curious. Most girls will play it like a video game, with no intention of meeting anyone, so the only way to communicate with these girls is to MAKE IT FUN. Make it rhetorical and don’t ask a question. She can answer if she wants to, if not, who cares. She has to be without need, without care, and seen as a simple expression of the awesomeness that radiates through you. These are some of my favorite opening lines.
1. I feel from your clever and creative slogan that your day might be lacking a bit of magic and flavor, so I am offering you a chance to make your day better by the presence of my awesomeness.
2. (Insert name here) I think you have a confession to make…
3. I am currently trying on a variety of outfits for my costume party tonight. I’m thinking Batman, but then again, the redness of Superman’s underwear really makes my eyes pop.
4. I had the strangest day today. I woke up thinking it was Saturday, but quickly realized it was (insert day here). Luckily I’m fast and I got to work on time.
You can see that all these opening lines have one thing in common. They communicate that I don’t care, I’m not taking it too seriously, I’m a happy guy, I’m making it fun, and I’m probably a cool guy too.
3.) Disconnect Quickly: The world of Tinder moves fast, just like the real world moves fast. Women are emotional creatures, and once they stop feeling, they begin to forget. You could be amazing on Monday, but by Tuesday, you could be completely forgotten if you don’t keep your mind fresh. That’s why you have to become a real person as fast as you can. Tinder should only be the method of meeting and opening. After that, you need to log out as fast as you can. Get that phone number within 4-6 messages. Just make it fun, fun, fun, fun, and then say the following sentence.
“Hey, I gotta go. I’ve got lives to inspire. You sound like you’re not a creep or a stalker. I like that. Give me your number and maybe I’ll text you.”
4.) Get the first meeting fast: My advice is to get it for that night. But I understand that some people may have to work weeknights, so you may need to wait a bit. But get it done as quickly as possible, and then once a day until the meeting send a funny message so that it stays fresh in the girl’s mind. Remember, woman, she follows her emotions, she keeps giving her emotions, and she will remember you, the moment you get bored, goodbye to you, kind sir.
5.) Don’t bite off more than you can chew: This may be a quality problem. But once you’ve handled steps 1-4, this can become a problem. If you start to match too much and start talking to too many, then you may actually start to get nothing. “The person who chases two rabbits catches neither.
sincerely,
Saxon
No Comment