I was thinking about the concept of success, today. I’m not talking about the kind of success defined by the number of material things you’ve acquired, the balance in your bank account, the number of diplomas on the wall or titles behind your name.
The question that came to mind was what has to happen for someone to feel like they have a successful relationship with you. This may include your relationship with a client, a doctor-patient relationship, or relationships with your family, spouse, or other loved ones.
I was once told that a patient will tell you what’s wrong if you take the time to listen.
The concept of listening can be invaluable in determining the direction our lives may take. What do people really need to consider their time with you to be a success? I suspect the answers could fill many pages if a survey were done. Everyone may have multiple points that they consider vital for a relationship of any kind to flourish.
In my opinion, the most critical steps anyone must take to make a relationship a success can be boiled down to four points.
1.Listen-Pay attention to what the other person tells you. Don’t just listen to them, listen to what they are really saying. We should spend most of our time with another just listening. Only then do you have the permission to give your opinion on the topics presented. God gave us the gift of two ears and one mouth, so use them properly. Take the time to get into their world and find out what makes them who they are.
2. Compassion– show a sincere interest in their problems, wishes, desires and needs. Let them know that you care and have their best interest at heart. Give them the confidence that you will do what you can to help them achieve what they want or alleviate their suffering.
3. Empathy– take the time to listen and understand where the other person is coming from. Why do they feel the way they do? What happened in their life that created the thoughts and ideas that make them who they are today. What trials and tribulations have influenced how this person responds to different situations.
4. Confidence– If you want to have the optimal relationship, of any kind, you have to develop trust. The other individual involved needs to feel safe revealing himself to you. It all starts with just listening, understanding their situation, and showing a sincere interest in helping them find a solution to their problems or get something they want.
Let the other person know that they are safe with you and that nothing will come between you. Let them know that the two of you are a team and together you will find a solution.
Some conversations with others are full of conflict and quickly spiral out of control. If you find that someone is attacking you for what you say or stand for, it’s time to take a deeper look at what’s creating the hostility. Hostility often stems from misunderstood intentions. They may not feel that you have their best interest at heart. You need to find out what the deepest commitment is that drives this person to push you. If you take the time to stop and say, “I don’t think I understand where you’re coming from or why you feel this way,” it gives them a chance to explain themselves.
Finding common compromises will make both of you more comfortable and allow you to work out your differences and move on. This will result in a more productive and rewarding relationship.
Most conflicts in life and relationships arise when someone has unfulfilled expectations, unresolved intentions, or undelivered communication with another person.
Put your cards on the table. Let people know what they can and cannot expect from you early on.
If you want to move forward in your own life, keep debris clear of your path. If you have something on your mind or someone has done something that is affecting you, tell the person involved. Let them know you want to get this out in the open, and all you want them to do is listen. This will help you clear your mind and allow you to move forward with a more fulfilling life.
If you make these steps a part of your daily life, when dealing with others, you will change the outcome and quality of your life. Listen to what another is trying to tell you, take the time to understand what they are telling you, and build trust. Follow the above with all your heart and people will go out of their way for you. You have to give something before you can expect something in return.
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