There are hundreds of procedures on the web for teaching manners, most of them lists of do’s and don’ts. But we all know that lists are rarely the best way to teach something. It is through discussion and participation, storytelling and play, identification and example, that we learn. And what better way to stimulate this involvement than with books. A preschooler or elementary school child sitting with a parent can be entertained by characters that make them gasp, laugh, think, and learn. The following are ten books that parents can use with their children, beginning with books geared toward preschoolers and ending with books for children ages 7 and up.
Ages 2-5
“Excuse me! A Little Book of Manners” by Karen Katz is a great book for young children. Six questions are arranged on double-page spreads with flip-up flaps beginning with “Mommy says, ‘Do you want peas for breakfast?’ What are you saying?” She lifts the flap and finds the answer. The illustrations are clean and bright and a child will surely want to listen to this book over and over again.
“How do dinosaurs say good night?” by Jane Yolen Illustrated by Mark Teague, features dinosaurs who don’t want to go to bed: “Does he slap his tail and pout? Does he throw his teddy bear all over the place?” The human parents, dwarfed by each boldly painted dinosaur, bide their time until history changes, and we learn that dinosaurs “give one big kiss. . . .[then] turn off the light. They tuck their tails. They whisper goodnight.” Children are sure to appreciate this lesson in cooperation.
Ages 4-8
An old favorite, with its childish drawings and lessons on getting along with others, is Munro Leaf’s “Manners Can Be Fun.” Table manners, sharing, and cleaning are covered; then we meet Whiny, Noisie, Yo First, Bragger, Sulker, Bathroom Wrecker and many other undesirables. Leaf’s goal is always clear: this is what you don’t want to be.
“The Thingumajig Book of Manners” by Irene and Dick Keller features the rude behavior of a group of furry elves: “Thingumajigs eat toads and snails and pick their teeth with their nails.” Children will laugh at the big-nosed creatures that mutter and growl, kick, bite, fuss and slam doors. The rules for proper behavior are placed on a small poster at the bottom of each spread.
Like the Thingujigs, Gelette Burgess’s little round-headed creatures in “Goops and How to Be Them” present an incorrect way of behaving. The goops slide down the railings, lick their fingers, talk while they eat and gobble up candy. Although published in 1900, the poems still apply, and the art-deco illustrations, which surround the text, will delight a child and perhaps inspire them to create their own game of Goops.
In “What do you say, dear?” by Sesyle Joslin and Maurice Sendak, the reader is shown a child in a funny but unlikely situation and must guess what the child’s response will be. For example, “You’ve gone downtown to do some shopping. You’re walking backwards, because sometimes you like it, and you bump into an alligator. What do you say, honey?” [Turn page]. “Excuse me moi.” It’s an understatement at its most hilarious.
David Melling’s “Scallywags” features a family of scruffy wolves who are boisterous, unreliable, and most unforgivably late for a group photo. Determined to make amends, they eavesdrop on the other animals to learn manners, but at the next dinner, where they behave impeccably, they ask the pig to stop slurping its soup and the goose to stop squawking with its mouth full. The wolves, with names like Hairball, Earwax, Brooz, and Scribble, are wonderfully characterized. This story is sure to inspire debates about how far to go with the “correction.”
7 up
Older children will enjoy Babette Cole’s “Lady Lupin’s Book of Etiquette.” Like Scallywags, she features wolves, but in this case it’s Lady Lupin’s privileged pups: “Try not to show off at parties,” advises Lady Lupine, in her tiara. And “Remember to open the doors for older dogs.” It’s both goofy and sophisticated, with a table featuring bones for the main course, and Lady Lupine reminding the pups of her, “Never bark with your mouth full.”
An innovative format for teaching manners is “Everyday Graces” by Karen Santorum. Poems, short stories and extracts from literature are gathered in 13 themes; selections include Hans Christian Andersen’s “The Ugly Duckling,” Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn Chapter One, and “Why Do I Have to Clean My Room?” by Jack Prelutsky. Each selection is followed by a brief discussion of topics relevant to that text.
Also groundbreaking is my own “Dear Miss Perfect: A Beast’s Guide to Proper Behavior.” Animals (or “beasts”) write with their problems. A sloth, for example, wonders if he should write a thank you note. A parrot wonders if she could eavesdrop to learn new words. More unusual problems include a porcupine who wants to find a dance partner and a Komodo dragon who wants to know how he can stop her parents from eating her. A child will enjoy guessing the answer to Miss Perfect and will realize that manners are largely a matter of common sense and following the golden rule.
Read about manners with your child. It’s a wonderful way to open up the debate.
