Identifying a player is never an easy task, sometimes these people are so good at their game and so fluent that a part of them actually believes what they say. They don’t necessarily ‘lie’ because if they get caught, it’s game over. But, they have to be more cunning than that. Acting genuinely and honestly gives them a better chance of securing their prey and keeping it for as long as they want. Some people don’t have a problem with gamblers, anything goes in the game of love. But there are others who are really looking for something more than what these players can offer. The sooner you can spot a player, the sooner you can run in the other direction and avoid wasting time and energy. Being with a player is an exciting and exciting experience. However, it is one of those experiences that one only needs to experience once and they know what it is. So, for those who are still wet behind the ears on dating, here are 10 rules for spotting a player:
1. He calls you affectionately from the beginning
At first, this may seem sweet and innocent, but it’s a technique to attract you from the start. Players try to soften your defenses. When they do this, you will let them in and you will be more apt to follow their agenda. Exchanging these verbal pet names gives an illusion of closeness, making you feel like you can trust that person more and develop an emotional bond with them. The stronger the emotional bond, the better the chances that their wishes will come true and the longer they can keep you around. To avoid being pulled in, cut him off early on (you’ll hear that repeated often throughout this article) or back off and keep your guard up. And by keeping your guard up, I mean constantly evaluating what they say and judging whether or not it is true. Actions speak louder than words, so always pay attention to their behavior when they utter such sweet things.
2. Try to hit a home run as soon as possible
I think this one is obvious. Everyone knows that sometimes the name of the game in dating is just SEX. With gamers it’s no different, gamers are fueled by having sex with as many partners as possible. It is a sense of conquest and brings them an exciting challenge every time they find new prey. A big difference from the sexual desire of any normal person is that the players are confident and aggressive. They know they have a high sex factor and will try from the beginning. The sooner they can overpower and get away with their prize, the sooner they can move on to the next victim. Players will create an occasion to do the feat even if the mood hasn’t developed for it.
3. Talk about different sexual fantasies trying to lure you into joining
Now this can look exciting and stimulating for your sex life with the player. But then again, players feed into subduing their chosen victims to make them feel special or different, and that they’re sharing special sexual escapades together. Getting his victim to accept his sexual agenda feeds his feeling of dominance in the ‘relationship’. For some, it’s not even a physical pleasure, but a feeling of taking home the prize, in the same way that an athlete brings home trophies or a fisherman brings coolers full of fish. Ask any player his number and he will have it memorized, since he is with his trusted friends who know his lifestyle, he will have endless stories of his experiences. Sharing those stories is another way they build their ego and confidence in their game, as they gain reassurance from others or praise.
4. The phone never leaves your side
This is obvious. Gamers and serial gamers alike have prospects all over the place, some are so broad as to capture anyone even remotely attracted to them. Of course their phones are going off the hook, they spread their net and anyone who gets caught is thrown in with the others. And since you can’t control when these prospects will call or text, keeping your phone close gives them an opportunity to hide others from you. Hiding is not necessarily lying, and in the player’s eyes, they are being honest with you. If you happen to be the person with the player during the day, they’ll most likely keep their phone on silent and out of your sight, so they can give the illusion that they’re focused on you and no one else is around. As long as they feed the prospect’s illusion of being the center of attention, again, you can keep them right where they’re needed.
5. Disappearing for a day or so without warning
This again goes back to reason #4. A true gamer has only 24 hours a day like everyone else, so in order to fit in their ultimate victims, they have to work fast and smart. One way to do this is to give everyone a ‘day’ of focus and attention. Maybe keep you in bed courting you and calling you ‘baby’. Regardless, they will pull that trick out of your hat. Doing this makes them more valuable to their prey and they are less likely to be revealed and thrown out, which most people would. They have studied thousands of the opposite sex and know certain behaviors, and will adapt to them. Regardless of what you need them to be (up to a point), they will play that role to ensure they get back on top and meet their needs. This disappearance is also a test in his book to see how long they can keep you around, if they know you’ll let them get away with it and they still need you. They will keep you and these ‘disappearing’ days may come more often.
6. They are very charming and are great with compliments.
If they weren’t charming, they wouldn’t get anywhere. Flattery gets you everywhere with people. Feed a person’s ego and build it up, and it will be putty in your hands. The better the prey feels around the player, the more it will stick to it. This goes without saying, who doesn’t want someone to make them feel like a million bucks. Giving this false sense of security gives the player a better chance of getting what they want from their prospect. And some of the players can be very sincere in their praise, what sets them apart is that they know how to use it to fulfill their hidden agenda. So, take every compliment with a grain of salt, after all, who knows how many other people say the same thing, too. There are only a few ways to say “you’re hot” to someone. This skill is easy to master, especially for a player who studies the behavior of the opposite sex.
7. You don’t really take the time to get to know yourself as a person.
This goes without saying, and this also applies to gamers and regular daters. If they want one thing and they only want one thing, the finish line is all they focus on. It doesn’t matter all the fluff on whose side you are. Allowing yourself the opportunity to find out more about yourself creates the possibility that they find you interesting or start to care about you. Keeping you at a distance (or even more) is what gives them their control, if their victim is someone who stays longer than others, it is better to ‘teach’ their prey that there is a line they should not cross to share or to ask about his life. They may fall silent when you talk about their life or just nod and move on to the next topic, something THEY want to talk about (again, this feeds their need for dominance). You are a challenge to them, and the more they ignore who you are as a being, the less guilty they will feel when you leave.
8. You don’t really share much of your personal life and interests.
This defense mechanism is very powerful. It sends you the message that what they share is locked and locked, which gives them 1) the feeling that their business is too important to open up to you and 2) they don’t want to give you a reason. stay longer than necessary. Most gamers aren’t like that because they like to break hearts, the thrill of chasing and catching is much more important to them. If they can avoid a big scene and confrontation, the cleanest break allows them to escape into other perspectives. If they’re a serial gamer and they’re going down the list like dominoes, the last thing they want is a psychopath or annoying person. After all, they can’t just change their phone number all the time, that would give them a loss of potential ‘callbacks’ should the occasion arise that they need them.
9. He likes to dominate the relationship
This again goes back to the player’s need to feed his ego. The more they are in control of the ‘relationship’, the more they can push and pull it as they need to. They might like you one day, they might not like you another day, just depending on how they feel they should play their game. Doing this allows them to direct the relationship to fulfill their hidden agenda. They may cut it out to keep you guessing and feeling confused. Then he turns around again and casually walks back. As long as they can get away with this behavior, they will. But once you put your foot down and they know you’re not tolerating their gaming lifestyle, they’ll be done with you and move on to the next person (or even the other person they’ve ever had around).
10. Does not introduce you or does not want to introduce you to anyone significant in his life.
This is similar to not sharing his life with you. They do not want you to become attached to the family or vice versa. If you become a cool girl/guy in the eyes of the important people in your life, you are more likely to stay in the player’s life beyond their need for you time. Having fewer attachments means less baggage to keep the player up to take flight when the need arises. The player does not want to see the project in any other light than the one that serves its purpose. Attachments create potential conflict when they begin to see the victim as more valuable with feelings.
Going against a player is a tough game, especially if they’re good at what they do and have been doing it for a while. But if you’re prepared and keep your eyes peeled for his ‘player’ behavior and don’t be fooled into thinking it’s unique behavior just for you, then get in the ring! Players aren’t unstoppable and nothing is worse for them than having a prospect cut. Do what you have to do with them, whatever the purpose you feel you need them for, be it physical, emotional, companionship, honing your player skills, etc. But when it’s time to cut, be the first to jump and your fellow player will drop to his knees. Players feed off of their ego and that is ego explosion to the nth degree. Have fun and keep playing!
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