10 Guaranteed Ways To Save A Marriage From The Brink Of Divorce!
If you are on the brink of divorce and have nowhere to turn, know that there is always hope. One of the most common ways to destroy a marriage is by not communicating well with your partner. Some people find the words really hard to find, while others yell and curse as a way of not having to show their true emotions. If you follow these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage, you won’t end in divorce.
1. If you’ve been constantly arguing with your husband and you feel like your marriage is dying, the best thing to do is lead the way and stop the raised voices and hostile attitude. If one of you does this, there is no one left to argue with. In some marriages, this type of behavior can last for years. Each partner desperately tries to get on top of the other to inflict as much pain as possible. Although outsiders often view this married couple as having many barneys, the fact remains that these types of fights will kill love passion and mutual respect. So be the one to stop. This will have the effect of calming things down and giving both of you a chance to catch your breath first and then start thinking about what’s going on.
2. So what is happening? The discussion may have started with something very simple, like what color car you wanted to buy. If you are both strong personalities, this may have been the starting flag for a fiery interaction whenever a decision needed to be made. If you have been able to restore a sense of peace in the house, it is time to try to find your way back. Your pattern of discussion can stop as fast as it started if you know how. If you chose to be the one to stop arguing now, you can be the olive branch and try to talk quietly with the man you still love. It’s ironic that some couples find it easier to argue with each other than to get to the heart of the matter. Tell your husband that you love him and that you want the fighting to stop. You want to smile again and feel happy. Tell him this fight is breaking your heart and wearing you down.
3. If you have followed these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage, you will probably feel strange for a while; in fact, the silence in your home can be deafening. Don’t go back to the previous pattern. If the fight starts, leave the room and don’t come back until it’s calm again. Never stay and fight, you know where it takes you. Just take that time to calm down. With no one arguing with peace it should resume.
4. It will take some time before the fights subside, but if you refuse to take bait, you will be successful. Now that both of you have settled in, the real work can begin. It would be nice to set a romantic scene where the two of you could be together for a while. You don’t need to speak at the beginning; in fact, it’s probably not the first time I’ve said anything. Places where you don’t need a lot of conversation at this stage are good. It is too early to address serious issues, as it can lead to fights.
5. When an unhealthy pattern of behavior has been in play for some time, there will surely be relapses. Like an alcoholic who stops drinking to become sober, something can trigger the old way of thinking and the drinker starts drinking again. After years of arguing, becoming calm and rational may not be without relapses, as is the alcoholic. Don’t worry about these slips, as they are likely to happen. You are learning to communicate in a very different way.
6. It’s time for the real conversation to begin. They will both be nervous, as this will be new. Since you’ve taken the lead so far, you may need to get the ball rolling. This is where the blame game could begin. You need to be careful in your approach, as it could lead to more conflict. What they need to talk about is their feelings for each other. Do you still love your husband and does he love you? Couples who communicate negatively often truly love each other, they just haven’t learned to really share their feelings and dreams. This can come from an abusive father or a nagging mother who set the pattern for her children. If there are children in your marriage, you are setting the stage for another repeat performance. How many generations will they have to suffer before someone puts up the stop sign. You owe it to your children to change their thinking pattern now before their lives are ruined by troubled relationships when they are older. This can create future abusers. The good news is that these types of patterns can be changed. It is reversing the behavior and putting in place a healthy and loving behavior. You need to find out what makes you both fight. It could be due to insecurity, lack of self-esteem, or even jealousy. Get what both of you are feeling and talk about the ways you can work in these areas. Accept the role you may have played in making your partner feel this way. If possible, a marriage counselor could be of great help here, as they are experts in the techniques that will change the old thinking. You need to learn better ways to debate with each other. It is a fact that all people argue, but it is the degree of how far they take it before it gets out of hand. If violence enters the frey, then you have a major problem to deal with. Whoever the victim is should leave the home as their safety could be in jeopardy. The abuser will need individual therapy before any type of relationship can be resumed.
7. If you have followed these guidelines, your marriage should be in better shape. Just remember when backing up, don’t beat yourself up, just stop in your tracks and calm down. The family home can come as a surprise to your neighbors who have become used to the fighting. You may notice that you both seem much happier and less stressed. They can spend time together without fear of an argument and when they disagree they know they won’t escalate.
8. Improve your appearance as you did when you were dating. It will feel like you’re starting over, so a new wardrobe or hairstyle will help build your confidence. You want to bring the romance and have fun with each other because so far it has been a battlefield of pain. You will notice that you feel lighter, not burdened, happier to be in the marriage as you go through your change. You and your husband could go out dancing or just spend time getting to know each other without all the drama. If you’ve followed these 10 best ways to save a marriage, yours will be so much better and you may fall in love again.
9. If you know that you are both prone to shooting very fast, you could learn the art of meditation or even join a gym. Any type of activity that removes stress and keeps you calm. Breathing exercises are recommended for this as they put you in contact with your body and how stressed you feel. If you start to feel tense, stop and listen. Take a deep breath with your diaphragm and close your eyes. You will feel your breathing slow down and you will begin to feel relaxed. Find ways to dispel those angry feelings you may have.
10. If you have come this far, I congratulate you. He has taken his troubled marriage from the brink of divorce to a relationship in which they both love and respect each other. Now you need to maintain it. Arguing continuously is not just bad behavior, it is like an addiction. Your blood pressure can rise as your body tightens, then the adrenaline starts to pump and you’re ready to fight. You get used to how your body feels and you almost get addicted. It’s like a flight response much like what the cavemen felt when the dinosaur was chasing it. Living in this mode will lead to strokes and stress-related illnesses. It is only the case of a husband or wife taking the first step to change. Follow these 10 guaranteed ways to save a marriage and you won’t have to file for divorce.
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