There are two answers that I hear from students and clients of all ages. The first is “fear”. The second is “stress” and/or “worry”.
In life coaching, I work with individuals to help them clarify who they are and what they are about. Life coaching identifies the obstacles and challenges that prevent us from developing successful relationships in our professional and personal lives. I work with individuals to help them create a life they love. Life coaching can provide opportunities to learn more about what is on your heart and mind and help you discover the connection.
If we are afraid of life, of the changes we recognize we must make or of the truth and if we are stressed about life, relationships, etc., we have the opportunity to make a decision (or two). Is our choice to live our lives “because of” or “in spite of” our fears and/or our stress?
When we live because of situations or people, we limit our growth and give away our personal power/energy. Certainly, we have to deal with situations and problems that arise from time to time, but when we find ourselves immersed in fear about an issue for an extended period of time, say for several years, we are stagnating and stopping personal growth and potential. If, for example, you live in an unfulfilling and unhappy relationship for several years, aren’t you ignoring your personal needs and therefore limiting your personal growth? When we stay in situations and/or focus on problems for too long, we often put a lot of our conscious and unconscious energy into them. Instead of moving forward, you stand still. Many people have tried to convince me how comfortable this place is. It is familiar and as we are used to, we decide to stay where we are, even if we know it is not healthy.
If we can learn to deal with our problems and situations in more practical and healthy ways, then we can go beyond them. This is what I call acting “in spite of” things. When bad things happen to us, and they will, we can react in a way that keeps us in the bad situation, or we can act in a way that allows us to process and then move on. Now, I am not suggesting that we can always move forward easily. I am all for taking even the smallest steps to get away from the unfortunate parts of our lives. When our spouse or partner leaves us or when a parent or child is seriously ill, we have to react. I understand that. I just think we can react in a way that allows us to get on with our lives.
Many people live with pain. Just last night a student told me about her week. Her grandfather had a minor stroke, her dog had to be euthanized, and she had three college exams. It was her attitude that impressed me. “Life is full of tests,” she said, and “we get smarter and stronger from these kinds of experiences.” Exactly. We can and should learn from our experiences and take advantage of this new information in our lives.
Choosing to live “because of” the bad things in our lives will stunt our emotional and sometimes physical growth. Learning to live “despite” these unfortunate but certain events will allow us to continue to grow and reach our potential.
Copyright David Rude Life Coaching, 2009
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