One day is often like another, until we find out that someone we know or a relative of someone we know has died. Suddenly our day takes on a new dimension and the routine we have been following is interrupted. This is often the way the death of someone outside of our family greets us: it stops us in our tracks, and we redirect our energies for a while to support that family. And yet, wanting to help and send words of condolence and sympathy, we don’t know what to say. We are shocked by the news and you want the family to know you are thinking of them, but you just don’t know the ‘right’ thing to say.
The reason we feel challenged to find the ‘right’ words probably has to do with the fact that death is treated with such sadness and fear in our society and is rarely a topic that is brought up in general conversation. So when someone dies, we are left baffled because we don’t really know how the other person feels, we just know how we feel. And this is the starting point of your message of condolences.
Writing your own sympathy message
The best condolences message is the one you write yourself because it comes from your heart. Here are some tips on how to write a condolence card or letter, follow these steps:
1. Take a few minutes to think about how you feel and write down what is happening to you right now.
2. Write what the loss of this person means to you, what you loved about that person, and how they brought light into your life.
3. If you wish, think about what you can offer the family for support at this time. It could be helping practically, for example, offering to cook or do the shopping, or it could be offering prayers, thoughts and love, whatever it is you would like to do.
4. Now write this message of condolences in a letter or card that you can send, beginning by expressing your sadness at their loss.
What you say need not be long. What you say is enough. When people are in a stage of grievance and grief, they are close to their own emotions and this open space within them will increase their sensitivity to what is being said. That is why it is better to write a message of condolence of your own, something that is real and that comes from your heart. You may find it difficult to do so, and this written support may be one of the most loving gestures you can do for someone.
Ten condolence messages ready to use
Here are some sympathy words that are ready for you to use in your personal sympathy message, either as they are or as inspiration for what you would like to say. Expressing sadness and pain comes from the heart, so use the sympathy message that works best for you.
- My heart goes out to you as you mourn the loss of the inserted name. I cannot imagine the sadness you are feeling and I am sending you much love and light.
- I am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers at this time.
- Insert name has been carried away in a light chariot. They are free from this physical world and are still with you in spirit. Know that his love for you continues and that your loving friends are here to support you now.
- I’m so sorry to hear that dear insert namehas died. I remember it with a lot of love and treasure the memories I have.
- it saddens me to hear that insert namehas died. While I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now, I want you to know that insert nameThey meant a lot to me – they were a true inspiration in my life and I will miss them too.
- Thanks for letting me know that insert namehas died. I hope he/she finds solace in knowing that her/his physical suffering is over and he/she has returned to a place of pure loving kindness.
- I was so shocked and heartbroken to hear your tragic news. There are no words that can convey everything I’m feeling right now and I can’t begin to imagine how you feel after such a shock. insert name he was such a beautiful soul and was so loved by all that he will be missed by all. I want you to know that I am here if you need a shoulder to cry on or if you need help finding a way through this. You are all constantly in my thoughts and I send you lots of love.
- Please let me know if I can help in any way – I would love to help cook a meal/shop/pick up the kids from school/do laundry/clean the house/(delete as appropriate and/or insert your( s) own suggestion(s) here).
- i just heard that insert name passed away earlier this year. I’m sorry it took so long for the news to reach me and I wish I could have been there for you. The news was pretty shocking and I just wanted you to know that I think about you a lot and would love for us to get together when you’re ready to. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you beyond sending you lots of love, that goes without saying.
- Thank you for taking the time to let me know that insert namehas died. I am very sorry to hear of her loss and I am writing to tell you that I will unfortunately not be able to attend the funeral on the insertion date. I will think of all of you, however, and am enclosing a check for her collection.
I hope these words are useful to you and serve as inspiration for your message of condolences.
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