The Neutered Male Narcissist – Mama’s Little Darling
The very successful male narcissist finds female partners who are drawn to his magnetism, lifestyle, and extraordinary confidence. High-level narcissists often have multiple marriages and multiple lovers and girlfriends. Women are magnetized by the successful high-level narcissist. Looking at the number of their romantic relationships, flings, flings, and marriages, one might think that male narcissists are comfortable with and capable of being intimate with women. The opposite is true. On the outside, the narcissist is charming and attractive, promising his wife of the moment whatever he wants to satisfy her desires. The narcissist who believes he has found the “right woman” has exorbitant gifts and a lifestyle to match. The woman of the day is a narcissistic supply to him, an attractive object that makes him feel more alive and invigorated. The narcissist thinks carefully about this new acquisition, the role it will play, and how he will mold it to meet his exact specifications. She is another notch on his belt, a beautiful accessory that tells the world once again how powerful and virile he is. The narcissist requires a perfect reflection, which means that his partner must reflect back to him his feelings of superiority, greatness, and power. If the woman doesn’t live up to the narcissist’s script, she is unfit for the role and quickly takes her off the scene.
Deep down, narcissists are unconsciously uncomfortable with women. They secretly despise and fear them. The male narcissist’s relationship with women begins with his first interactions with his mother. The mother of a narcissist is often herself a narcissist. This mother creates an uninterrupted psychological fusion with the son. She adores him and places him on a pedestal above ordinary mortals. The mother is often seductive with her son in various ways as part of the psychological fusion with him. Often the father is passive or psychologically unavailable. The mother chooses her son as a partner, rather than her husband. In this process, the mother castrates her son. Castration is the deprivation of “strength, vigor, or spirit.” This child is treated as a deity, but tragically deprived of becoming a genuine and independent self. From early childhood, the budding narcissist has been forced to dance to the role imposed by his mother for him: his perfect little man, his psychological partner. In these families there is a dysfunctional family triangle in which the father is locked out of the role of providing his son with a strong sense of masculine strength and independence.
In his biography of Frank Lloyd Wright, Brendan Gill describes the classic relationship that mother Anna Lloyd Wright had with her son Frank: “(She) now loved something more, something created out of her own fervor of love and desire, a medium to realize his vision. ” Her adoration for Frank and her disdain for her husband spawned a dysfunctional triangle and a narcissistic duo. Although Frank had several lovers and was married several times, his psychological fusion with his mother remained intact until shortly before Anna’s death.
The narcissist who takes command in the world, enjoys enormous material success and has access to any number of women who access his leadership, remains below everything, a small child, scared, enraged, psychologically swallowed by a controlling mother and seductive that robbed him of becoming a genuine, loving and authentic human being.