As a 27-year-old British-born Asian woman, I have observed from childhood the events of an Asian family in terms of the level of honor required for the functioning of the ‘extended family’. In my childhood, if I remember correctly, it was fine, I guess. However, on reflection, I seem to recall certain events that have perhaps made me the person I am today…bitter and twisted! Yes I admit it. Coming from a family of five children in total, I have observed the hypocrisy of the men and WOMEN of such families in the sense that equality does not exist. Yes, that’s right, it doesn’t exist! The underlying reason for this is that mothers of families raise their children differently and the lack of each child is never hidden.
For example, if you’re not a smart kid, trust me, they’ll let you know! And, if you are a smart kid, you and everyone will know it! There is no such thing as political correctness or sensitivity in an Asian family! Boys and girls are treated very differently: boys are loved and pressured 24/7 and girls are expected to keep quiet and obey. This seems pretty harsh in this age of permanence, but it definitely happens, but in a more subtle way. Example: a daughter/sister can study, work and go out (limited outings of course) and in the same way a son/brother does the same, however, the difference lies in the additional responsibilities required for each gender. Women: as an old sociologist found out, they have a double/triple shift while men… ZILCH.
Asian girls are expected to have a degree-level education, have had a good level of work experience, and at the same time be committed to household and childcare responsibilities if children are involved. Also, they ALWAYS carry the weight of the world and have to uphold family honor. By this I mean behaving like a good respectable woman, dressing appropriately, going to events with your mothers, cooking and cleaning, etc. Men, on the other hand, can relax after a ‘hard day’s work’. Why is a woman who works the same hours as a man treated differently? Why does an Asian woman have to work, study, and then go home to do housework? And why are the men fed daily by their fathers when they return? How did this come about? Are we women to blame? YES! We as women have burdened ourselves and created these selfish humans, raising them to depend on us and in return receiving constant criticism and reminders of how disappointing we are.
OK, so where does the hypocrisy come into all of this? Well, Asians are born with dual standards. Basically, one rule for them and another for the WOMEN around them. Now this is not just about men having double standards, but women supporting those standards, I mean, MOTHERS! Without demonizing anyone in particular, I would like to cut to the chase. Daughters in this contemporary society are expected to learn to do everything! But, when it comes to them wanting to pursue their interests, cultural norms come into play and, in a nutshell, putting a woman in her place with statements like ‘it’s not okay for young girls to do this, what will people say , it’s not safe’, etc. And then marriage comes into play. Yes, another factor! ‘If you want to pursue your interests then get married and your husband will help you.’ WHAT?
Women in Asian culture are allowed and often do what they want with limitations set by parents. However, this only happens when he fits in with all the other members of the family. The bottom line is that women are not respected in society as a whole and in the Asian family it is evident as it is shamelessly pointed out. As a woman ages in Asian culture, she becomes a burden to her family if she does not marry. Basically, families outrank you! Shocking huh? But, that is the brutal truth. Parents love their children, but in this modern society, the hidden suffering of women continues. Asian families favor more the interests of their sons and disregard the interests of their daughters as being an inconvenience to the community as a whole. The expectations set by an Asian family are primarily for the daughters to live up to, but not so much for the sons. This is the hypocrisy of Asian families present today.
