Hi, God, it’s me, Colin. I have a question for you; I know, I should already know the answer. If I say a Hail Mary, but don’t think about what the words mean or how those words are meaningful today, is this a prayer? What if I just say the words but don’t kneel, is this a prayer? Do the words have to be said out loud for this to count towards my “lifetime sentence total”?
Is it a prayer if I smile at my wife? It’s a cool rainy day, my favorite, and I smiled this morning when I woke up and looked out the window. I didn’t thank you, but I was happy; Is this a prayer? My oldest daughter is going to college next year and yesterday she stayed home from school; we have breakfast together. Did you make this happen? Be the glory…? (Is that a sentence too?)
I write this because I pray more now than before. Reflective moments often become transitional thoughts that progress from reminiscence to happiness, which leads to gratitude, praising Him for all the wonderful times, special people, and unique gifts that have been bestowed upon me. In this sense I am not alone. A beautiful hymn, “Precious Memories” offers thanks to God for all the special moments of silence and noise in our lives. That anthem makes me cry.
I think this is a function of age. I turned 48 last March; 48 wonderful years. Like all of us, 48 years of ups and downs, births, marriages and deaths have passed through my life, but I feel old.
How many days of Thanksgiving are left? Who’s next on the train to sweet step by step? How many more seconds will it be before my first grandchild is born? Which of my children, I have 4, will marry first? My wife, Karen, doesn’t know when and where we will retire. Will she finally agree to move to New England? Will I spend my twilight years on a porch overlooking the ocean, drinking coffee and shooting seals? Will Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble finally compete against Ralph Cramden and Ed Norton in a cheating game of Monopoly?
It’s a hell of a good life despite chronic pain. Thank you, Lord, and may I continue to expand in my ability to live in the splendor of your world, gratefully praying and learning to finally love myself and others as You will. Despite the pain that tears at the fabric of my life, help me to repair the lives of others without forgetting that you have erected a “Bridge Out” sign on the road I have been traveling. Give me the strength Lord to change direction, change with my surroundings and with constant pain as a new partner, find a way to offer my pain to help others who suffer more than me.
I just read Wanda’s article. I think she’s humiliating, right? God bless you girl; Prayers for a good outcome of her upcoming surgery. Annie, you will crush these motherfuckers who are causing you misery on top of your pain; You’ve come too far for anything else to happen. Kathy, thanks for the kind thoughts and emails; I pray to God you have a satisfying breath from time to time.
Hi Val. Please send me another photo of the happy puppy; the last one didn’t show his face!
I could go on a long list; should follow this short. People, his servants, angels to me, I have come to know and love in just one year. God put all of you in my life and I’m so much better for it.
Good God, of course the silly questions I posed at the beginning of this article don’t matter one iota. What matters is to say thank you, to you and to each and every one of those who have read this little blog. All of you are helping me improve. Blessings to all Colin
