The praise is pronounced like this: /Yule-ah-gee/
A eulogy is simply a speech about a loved one who has died. This speech is usually given during a memorial or funeral ceremony. While it is often run by a close friend or relative of the deceased, it can also be run by a religious leader.
Don’t stress about giving a compliment. Think of it as a simple conversation with family and friends about the life of the person who has died. Remember, the funeral or memorial service is usually only attended by people who were important to the deceased in some way. They are eager to know about the deceased and will appreciate anything you say.
Also, almost EVERYONE is afraid of public speaking, so the “audience” does NOT expect you to give a flawless speech. In fact, if you “screw up” a little (or a lot), the audience tends to join you even more. They really do!
There is no “right way” to compose a eulogy. Since most people have no idea what a eulogy is supposed to sound like, you can craft it any way you want. Here are some things you might want to talk about:
a brief “life history” of the person who has died
achievements and important events in the life of the deceased
details about family, friends, work, and hobbies
favorite memories of the deceased
Most praise lasts between 5 and 15 minutes, but there are no hard and fast rules here. You can also deliver “bullet” praise. This is where several different people take turns talking about the deceased. For example, each of the children of a deceased parent could give a short speech about their respective favorite memory with the deceased.
Dividing a single eulogy into separate bullet points gives others the opportunity to participate in the services and takes the pressure off a single speaker. Even if each person speaks for a moment, it will seem like a longer, more solid speech because each person needs time to get up to the podium and then back to her seat.
Basic steps:
1. Write a brief chronological summary of the key events that occurred in the person’s life from the time of birth to death. This will often remind you of several pivotal events the person experienced (eg graduating college, getting married, serving in the military, starting a business, etc.) that may be worth mentioning.
2. Write down your favorite memories of the deceased. Ask others (friends, family, coworkers) if they have favorite memories you can share. Often people have things they want to say at the funeral but are afraid to speak up or not given the opportunity.
3. Make a list of some of the things that were important to the deceased person…things they were passionate about. This can trigger your own stories that you can incorporate into his speech.
4. Combine all your thoughts, ideas, comments, and memories into one giant list. Go through this list and decide what things you want to include in your speech.
5. Arrange your chosen comments in some sort of order. For example, you may want to organize by:
· Chronological date on which the events occurred
· Common themes (eg, family, career, work, hobbies).
· Orator (if you plan to use bullet praise); Develop a schedule showing when each person will speak.
6. Write your speech. You may feel more comfortable writing out the entire speech or just decide to use note cards with a few sentences that will jog your memory so you remember what you want to say. Once again, there is no one correct way. Some people will memorize the speech and never need to refer to their notes; others will watch your speech and read it word for word without even looking at the audience. Use whatever method is most natural for you.
Your speech can be serious, light-hearted, or a combination of both. The most popular is a mixture of seriousness and humor. Funerals are a combination of sadness and celebration. People will grieve at funerals, but it’s okay to laugh, too. Really is!
Plus, since no one but you will see what you’ve written, you don’t need to worry about grammar or spelling. All you need is to have something in writing that reminds you of what you want to say.
7. Practice saying your speech out loud in front of a mirror. This will help you develop a natural speaking rhythm and highlight any verbal or physical habits that may be distracting to your audience.
8. Take a clean copy of your speech to the funeral home. You can write it down word for word or just make some necessary note cards to jog your memory. (Be sure to number the note cards so you can keep them in order.)
Additional Tips:
- Focus on honoring the deceased rather than worrying about how your speech will sound to others.
- Take deep breaths before beginning your speech. This will help you regain your composition and lower your heart rate. This will also help you speak in a slower, more controlled manner.
- Take a drink of water before you speak (or take something to drink with you to the podium) to prevent your mouth from getting dry.
- Remember: it’s okay to show emotions. If you get emotional and start crying, it’s perfectly normal (even if you’re a guy!). No one will think less of you. Take time to regain your composure, but if you can’t, just say “I’m sorry, but I can’t continue right now” and return to your seat. The funeral director or a member of the clergy will step in and continue the ceremony from where you left off.
One final thought: I am honored to be asked to do a eulogy. You would not have been chosen if you were not special to the deceased in some way. Others know this and will EXPECT you to grieve too.
