5 Common Myths About Wedding Mediators
Weddings are wonderful, but families and friends can make the planning experience hell on wheels. That’s why I decided to share my talents as a conflict expert with brides who want planning to be as fun as the wedding. I recently came across an article on the web suggesting that premarital counseling is a better alternative than marriage mediation. Of course, the writer is entitled to give his opinion, but I wanted to clear up some misunderstandings about what mediation is and how it can really benefit you.
Answers to common myths
It is the day of the bride. She can do whatever she wants and everyone must agree.
Let’s start with the biggest myth. Yes, as a bride, your wedding day is all yours. You have found someone special with whom to share your future. However, you are not the only one who is excited, has high expectations and is emotionally involved with the unfolding of the event. Your family, especially your parents, have waited even longer for this day. People who have loved and supported you have needs and wants that need to be acknowledged, even if you can’t (or don’t want to) honor their wishes. You can’t just say ‘that’s hard’ and then hope your relationships won’t change as a result.
A wedding mediator can guide you in finding a good way to listen and respond that respects others and still meets your own goals. A premarital therapist might be able to help you deal with your emotions about your mom wanting you to wear her dress or your grandpa wanting to invite all of her drinking buddies. But will you be skillful enough to guide him to find the exact words to explain or how to negotiate a solution? Probably not.
Using a mediator implies that you are not capable of handling things on your own.
Everyone likes to DIY these days, which is great. But, doing it yourself comes with its own set of challenges. Let me ask you this: if you wanted to dance a beautiful tango as your first dance, wouldn’t you go to a dance instructor to learn how to do it? A wedding mediator is an expert who can teach you how to speak so that another person will listen and hopefully do what you ask. spend an hour learning to communicate better will definitely help you deal with family and friends more easily. And the advantage is that you will also be prepared to handle your husband.
A wedding is a family event, not a business that needs someone to make a commitment.
Actually, every relationship is based on an agreement that is like a social contract. You agree to behave in a certain way with your parents and maybe in another way with your fiancé, and in another way with your friends. While you probably haven’t sat down to discuss it directly, these personal agreements have rules, limits, and consequences. And there’s a lot of negotiation and compromise (think about the last time you made plans to go out to dinner). A mediator can introduce you to different engagement and collaboration tools and strategies that will make planning your wedding (and her life) less stressful and happier.
This is not something for strangers.
Some people say that it is better not to air dirty clothes. And if you feel that way, mediation may not be for you. However, a wedding mediator is trained to create a safe and neutral space for you to confidentially share your thoughts and concerns without judgment or agenda. The focus is on you and finding a holistic solution.
it’s just another expense
Yes, a wedding is definitely an expensive project with a lot of little expenses that really add up. It is natural to want to save money. You just don’t want to be ‘pound-wise and penny-foolish’ about it. The hour you spend with a wedding mediator is one of your best savings in terms of stress, hassle, and worry. Consider these intangible costs:
- Sleepless nights worrying about the budget
- You fight with your mother over the size of the guest list.
- Anxiety about negotiating with suppliers
- Worry about friends and family
In dollars and cents, you’ll probably spend more on your shoes or lingerie than on the services of a good wedding mediator, ranging from under $100 to $500. What you get is priceless: a stress-free wedding you’ll remember all the time. lifetime.
Try marriage mediation
Wedding mediation is a bit like Twitter. First, no one knew what it was; so, people thought it was unnecessary. Now, people everywhere have embraced it. Savvy brides who want to enjoy both the planning and the day of their wedding will try and benefit from bridal advice. What have you got to lose except the drama?
