Listening effectively is vital in your leadership role. Too often, when we listen to others, we are preparing a response immediately. However, as Wesley Snipes says in ‘White Men Can’t Jump’ with Woody Harrelson, “You’re listening to Jimmy, but can you hear Jimmy?” Too often we are much more excited about speaking than we are about understanding where that person is coming from or what they are trying to convey.
Effective communication means that you must understand exactly the point of view of the other person or persons. How often have you had a conversation with your spouse, received instructions that you thought were accurate, and did exactly what you thought it said, only to find that you did the wrong thing? I know I have done it numerous times.
8 tips for more effective listening.
1. Actively listen without preparing a response. When listening, make sure you understand exactly what the person is trying to convey. Don’t prepare your answer right away. Gather the information, process it, store it, without trying to respond. This takes practice and attention.
2. Observe and read the body language of the speaker. Body language, in my opinion, makes up 70-80% of effective communication. We can all recognize when the speaker says one thing and means another. Being able to read this is vital for effective communication.
3. Imitate the body language of the speaker. Mirroring the speaker’s body language is an advanced listening technique that I was taught years ago. This technique creates congruence with the speaker. This technique is very effective in a sales presentation. It is a subconscious technique that creates an immediate congruence in the mind of the speaker that you are very attentive.
4. Ask the right questions in an attempt to understand and not answer. When your spouse gives you the order to ‘collect the eggs’ on the way home from work, be sure to clarify what you really want. Be specific, oversized eggs, or extra large or organic eggs ?, brand? etc. Don’t come home with milk.
5. Use the appropriate tone when asking questions. Have you ever heard a spouse or loved one say, “It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it”? We all have. Make sure to check for that inappropriate tone on the door.
6. Repeat the question. If you are not clear about what the speaker is asking, be sure to repeat the question to fully understand it. Never assume. We all know what happens when you assume, right? Make an idiot of you and me.
7. Show real interest. Having a real interest means putting yourself in the speaker’s shoes. Stop daydreaming while the speaker talks, thinking about that important project you have pending or your next game of golf. Listen with the speaker’s best interest at heart. Again, this takes practice.
8. Summarize. When the speaker has delivered the message, be sure to summarize exactly what the instructions are. In this busy world, people are often in such a rush that they don’t take the time to fully understand the message. Please be patient for much more effective communication.
Effective listening is a skill that can be developed. So before replying, please close it and fully understand the message.
