As a first-time stepparent, you need to be open-minded about parenting responsibilities. Your partner is obviously more experienced than you are, and there may be particular things that you are uncomfortable with. You need to know ahead of time where the lines are for you and your partner. Sit down with him or her to discuss what is expected of you and the child whose life you have entered. Depending on the age of your new stepchild, they may have more parenting responsibilities or function more as a friend and mentor. This expectation depends on both the needs of the parent and the child.
Second, you must be prepared to handle the other biological parent. If the birth mother or father is in the picture, then they may also have expectations of what their responsibilities are and are not. If you are raising a young child, they may be uncomfortable with you being too hands-on with certain activities, or they may expect you to act in a caregiving capacity similar to a day caretaker. Also, if you are raising a teen or teen, there are many topics like sexuality, religion, or culture that the other parent may feel is not their place to discuss. Both you and your partner should have these discussions with the other birth parent if possible to avoid friction.
Also, you should be aware that in the first few months of your position as a stepparent you may face rebellion, confusion, and the wrath of your new stepson. This is normal. He tries not to take his actions seriously, since they will most likely feel left out. As a stepchild, you are faced with betraying the other parent if he likes you or angering your partner if he doesn’t. This is a confusing time and the best way to strengthen your relationship is to understand each other. Find ways to connect with them by showing an interest in their life.
Finally, keep in mind that your position is constantly changing and evolving. Just like a child’s biological parents, your relationship can change on an almost daily basis. Children are growing up and learning who they are, so take on the challenges every day. Your relationship with your partner will also grow and change as you bond with your stepson. Lack of bonding can put a strain on your relationship, but a growing bond with your stepchild will only increase your partner’s feelings. If you find yourself with serious or long-term problems, you can seek family counseling services to help enable growth.
