What happens to children raised by mothers with borderline personality disorder?
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a disorder with criteria found in the DSM-IV and is characterized by avoiding abandonment, identity alteration, chronic emptiness, affective instability, self-injurious behaviors along with common problems such as thinking extreme black and white. and emotional dysregulation. More women than men are commonly diagnosed with BPD, somewhere in the ratios of 2: 1 to 9: 1, according to sources. The number of women in treatment programs across the country disproportionately outnumbers men, indicating that women of all ages, mothers and daughters, are more likely to be treated than boys and men.
A lot has been written about girls and women with borderline personality disorder. But there is little research on how children experience their mothers who suffer with the criteria of BPD, such as intense emotional dysregulation, unstable relationship patterns, fears of abandonment or identity alterations. Are children affected in ways that most professionals and educators don’t recognize? Understanding the issues that can arise from the mother-child dynamic of BPD could help families and professionals prevent young men from being misinterpreted or mislabelled as aggressive, defiant, or antisocial, so that these children are not marginalized, but rather They are given the amount of clinical treatment that girls and women usually receive.
This is not to say that every child of a mother with BPD has a negative experience. Children can experience the “good enough mother” and mature through stages of development with little alteration. However, when the relationship goes bad, children can suffer serious psychological and emotional problems that disrupt the child’s development and create identity problems for life into adulthood.
Emotional dysregulation, a common problem among those with BPD, is like riding a roller coaster. If a child never knows what to expect from one moment to the next, a mother’s roller coaster emotions can trigger real confusion and impact self-esteem when he can’t seem to please her. The emotional invalidation that arises from this dynamic can create in a child a constant need to seek validation. Or you can let go of your emotions and repress them, because the emotions are perceived as unacceptable.
Similarly, unstable patterns of relationship with the mother that vacillate between the polarities of available versus unavailable maternal affection and distant versus intense emotional entanglement, along with attacks of anger and abandonment anxiety, can create a world of instability. , distrust and confusion about a child’s relationship with his mother. You may develop distrust of other people as you mature into adulthood.
Thinking in black and white, a common problem that is often based on irrational fears, can create rigid rules and expectations for a young child to handle, which can foster the need to be perfect to please his mother. Perfectionism carries high emotional costs, such as extremes in thinking, anxiety, and irrational thought patterns that take over life and cause problems in interpersonal relationships. Identity confusion, another criterion, causes problems in several areas of male identity development related to self-confidence, self-image, sexual identity, career choices, and long-term goals. An entangled relationship between mother and child can damage a child’s sense of independence and autonomy. You may be plagued with guilt because you want independence and yet fear that you are abandoning it.
Finally, the self-injurious and para-suicidal behaviors of a mother with BPD can be extremely traumatic and may even contribute to the development of post-traumatic stress disorder, especially if her mother’s threats are repeated or if her suicide is successful. Subsequent trauma can distort a child’s overall sense of security, because suicidal gestures can be perceived as abandonment and cause the child to fear loss.
This dynamic between a mother with BPD and her child has serious implications for a child’s emotional life well into adulthood. Families and educators can help these young people recover and mature emotionally. Healthier emotional lives can be achieved through stable relationships and a validating environment. But sometimes a young person may need more intensive help when working with a psychotherapist to address the deeper issues related to a poor self-image or lack of confidence. It is important to realize that early therapeutic interventions can make a positive difference in helping a young person develop a healthy self-image with lifelong implications for a better life and relationships.
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