Step one – ridicule the client
One of the newest ways to lose a customer online is to tell them that they just can’t be trusted and that they probably used a stolen credit card for their purchase.
The accountant/financial manager is an expert at putting the needs of his or her own business before any of those silly customer expectations, like speedy order processing and delivery. Who cares if problem gamblers leave, never to return when the advantage is the elimination of payout problems?
Step two: never tell the truth, or at least avoid doing it
Of course, it is quite possible that the requested goods never existed in the first place. A great way to avoid this is to impose an appropriate delay through the “security” process while items are being obtained. Meanwhile, any communication with any customer foolish enough to complain will be carefully hidden behind emails. Or better yet, a response form on the website. Providing a phone number to facilitate customer questions is strictly taboo.
The website naturally does not mention the “security check” process or the effect it will have on the delivery of orders. Cancellation of an order without a hefty “restocking fee” will also not be accepted, regardless of the fact that the order was never processed in the first place, pending security check compliance. If such information is included on the company’s website, it will be in the smallest type possible, buried deep in the “terms and conditions” section. (That’s the bottom of the marketing blurb, where few customers will think to look.)
Step Three – Never understand why an order is needed promptly
So, when the customer receives an email a few days after placing the order, informing him that “a small amount” has been credited to his bank account and that he must respond indicating the amount of that payment, plus that of his mother. your maiden name, your dog’s favorite snack, and the color of your partner’s underwear. Once those answers have been provided to the seller’s satisfaction, every effort will be made to ship the order in the foreseeable future. (“Yes Minister” followers will also be familiar with the term “in the fullness of time”)
It’s worth noting that even the major retailers who DO have their own outlets offer online shopping employ the very “security” processes outlined in this tirade. The perception of the finance manager is very simple, namely that if the goods were urgently needed, why did the idiot go to a “bricks and mortar” store in the first place?
And those people are the reason why the customer will never buy from that seller again. Someone should tell them that there are several different security solutions available
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