My estranged husband is acting surprisingly affectionate to me – how do I respond?
Sometimes I hear from wives who are very confused about how best to react to their husband’s behavior during a separation. Often they are still struggling with the pain they feel over their husband’s departure, so it is understandable that they are quite cautious. They want to save their marriage, but are afraid of getting their hopes up and being hurt again. And sometimes they are afraid to show their true feelings for fear of scaring their husband.
This can become particularly problematic when the same husband who wanted the separation begins to be affectionate during the separation. The wife has often decided to “act calm” or not wear her heart on her sleeve because she does not want her husband to avoid her. So when he offers her some love proposals, she is not sure how she should react.
In this situation, you might hear a comment like, “My husband decided to move out of our house because he wasn’t sure if he would be happy in our marriage. He felt like he wasn’t sure if he still wanted the same thing.” things in life like I did. And he felt that he had changed over the course of our marriage. So I was no longer sure if we were compatible. Hearing him explain this broke my heart. It felt like a rejection. if he still loved me and assured me that he thought he did, but emphasized that he needed some time to get ready. I was crushed, but I was really trying to prepare myself for the possibility that my marriage might be over. . I started looking at my own finances and started thinking about starting a new chapter in my life. It was difficult, but I was able to do it. And as soon as I began to accept the separation, my husband began to act. really sweet to me. In fact, he started hugging me and occasionally kissing me. My first inclination is to be excited about this. But I can’t fully experience that because I’m scared. The rational part of me wonders why the same man who needed to resolve his feelings suddenly feels so comfortable showing me affection. I’m afraid I’ll get my hopes up and then he’ll finally decide that he wants a divorce. And I’m afraid to ask him what his intentions are. So how am I supposed to react when he suddenly starts showing me affection? “
It’s difficult to strike a balance, but it’s worth a try: This is a very difficult situation. I dealt with it myself, although our separation lasted for a while before my husband began to be kind and receptive to me again. I was so heartbroken because, frankly, walking away from my husband and concentrating on my own life seemed to make him take an interest in me again. So, I didn’t want to jeopardize this by suddenly getting excited by the new attention he was showing me.
At the same time, she didn’t want to make it look like she was rejecting him. My heart told me that I wanted to respond because his attention and affection was what I had been waiting for and waiting for. So I wasn’t going to ignore him or shut him up. She was not going to reject the affection she had wanted for so long. In fact, I decided that I was going to give it back and create a playful give and take that would encourage my husband to want to stick with this and want to see me more often. In fact, my whole plan was to slowly build on this flirty new report between us.
A calculated risk: Did you know you were taking a risk? Yes, I knew it could break my heart. And I knew I could be extremely disappointed if I got my hopes up and then things didn’t go as planned. I knew this was possible. But I made a conscious decision not to walk away from my husband. I thought I really didn’t have much to lose. He was already feeling pain from the separation. Yes, there was a risk that I would feel more pain if my husband regressed again. But, this was just what he was already experiencing. And the potential payoff (that the newfound affection would lead to a reconciliation) was worth the risk.
Maintain a healthy dose of reality: With all that said, I was always careful to stay calm in front of my husband. Inside, I was incredibly excited that he was suddenly acting loving towards me, but I was careful not to let it show. He didn’t want him to think that he was assuming a certain reconciliation because he was afraid this would scare him. It was challenging, but I was able to achieve it by constantly reminding myself of my ultimate goal. It finally worked. And I constantly reminded myself to be realistic. I was cautiously optimistic, but tried not to get ahead of myself.
I am not suggesting that this is the right strategy for everyone. There are risks involved. But not returning your husband’s affection (when you really want to) is also risky because he may take it as a rejection and he may not get close to you again. So I think it makes sense to consider doing what your heart tells you to do, but also maintaining a sense of control at the same time. I feel like this is a decent compromise between letting hope and excitement take over when the process is just beginning and simply rejecting it out of fear.
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