not so smart after all
When I was twenty-seven, I thought I knew almost everything. At thirty-seven, it was becoming apparent that he wasn’t as smart as she had originally thought. Now, at forty-seven, I realize I don’t know much. In fact, if I stay on my current trajectory, at fifty-seven I’ll be totally ignorant, and at sixty-seven I might as well be a plant in some fancy hotel lobby.
I hope someone remembers to water me.
Life lessons
If nothing else, the last twenty years have taught me the value of having an open mind. To be prepared to unlearn. To be more humble and less sanctimonious. To ask better questions. To listen to others. And to look at old things in a new way. I’ve also been taught that it’s okay not to know things, which is great because I don’t know most things. And that it is okay to be wrong. And make mistakes. And be scared. Which is also great because I often mess up and freak out and mess up.
Oh, be omnipotent.
I also learned that in many ways most of us feel compelled to be ‘sure and absolute’ about some things that, if we are totally honest, it is almost impossible to be sure and absolute. God. Life after death. Love. Relations. happiness. The meaning of life. Right. Wrong. Justin Bieber. Just to name a few.
a state of flow
It’s fair to say that my beliefs, standards, ideas, and even my worldview (apparently we all have one) have changed significantly over the last decade or two. In fact, it’s also fair to say that, in my world, all of those things are in a state of constant flux. That is, they are constantly evolving. Like me. They are always subject to discussion. and analysis. Unlike in the past, these days I’m not particularly attached to them. Emotionally, that is. I don’t always need to know. I don’t need to be right. And I don’t need to win.
Despite what we are taught, life is not a competition.
For me, letting go of the need to be right, certain, and absolute was one of the most liberating journeys I have allowed myself to take. It was like stepping out of chaos and into calm. It was a relief. Looking back, I think it was my insecurity and lack of self-esteem that forced me to (want to) be omniscient, confident, and correct. Or, at least, to seem so.
Dynamic Beliefs
It’s not that I set out to have dynamic beliefs (etc.), but as I became more open and honest (with myself and others) and less bound to be right, I came to understand how foolish and arrogant I really was. my. being so one-dimensional and non-negotiable in my thinking and beliefs. It seems that some of us have bought into the lie that to be open to any paradigm other than the current one is to put ourselves in a dangerous and vulnerable position. In my experience, the exact opposite is true.
So if you happen to see me in the lobby of some fancy hotel in twenty years, don’t forget to give me some water.
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